For better or worse, I'm abandoning my long-winded approach to "ArnieUpdates" for tonight's post. This is a consequence of the fact that, unlike the much respected blogger that came before me, I have a job. And at the moment, my manager, Microsoft Excel, and the entire city of Washington, DC, seem to be conspiring to prevent me from composing a proper post.
Normally, my undisciplined ways would get the better of me, and I'd put off Wednesday's update until tomorrow (or Friday...or the Monday after that). But not tonight! For tonight, my friends, we have news worth hearing.
In the words of Mary Joe, although A. H. Goodwin is "still miserable," for the first time in at least a week, he's feeling "better" than he did on the day before. More importantly, we have some hard numbers to back these claims. Because these numbers speak for themselves -- and because I don't have time to do the speaking even if they didn't -- I present a graphical progress report in lieu of my traditional verbosity.
As the above makes clear, A. H. Goodwin is collecting white blood cells like the Bears' many quarterbacks amass interceptions. No question about it, this is a good sign. (Note: unlike some of the figures that follow, these are real numbers, with real clinical significance. The fine folks at U of C have been tracking his WBC count since admission, and today's giant leap forward is evidence that real progress is being made.)
My dad's overall physical well-being is also being buoyed by a recent up-tick in sleep per night. Some pretty serious narcotics are reportedly playing a role. Mary Joe felt that, thanks to a decent night of sleep, he's more like himself than he's been since the transplant. (Note: these figures were collected by my Dad who is, depending on whom you ask, a slightly less reliable statistician than the U of C oncology department.)
According to emails from Dr. Godly, my Dad has seen a truly unprecedented rise in his RHODGUC (Relatively Happy and Optimistic Despite Genuinely Unfortunate Circumstances) Index Score. Although still somewhat controversial within the medical community, Dr. Godly assured me that a one-day increase of this magnitude (from a 1.98 to a 4.37) is extremely promising. Figure III explores the relationship between my Dad's RHODGUC spike and the morphine they've been giving him to help him sleep. I say, keep that man drugged!
All right. Time for me to get back to working for the people that actually pay me. See you next time.